Missing My Mom & My Daughter.

I am missing mom. I miss her smell, and her hugs, and her voice, and advice. How I could turn to her when I needed advice and she always knew what to say. How she never judged me no matter what I was doing or who I was with, or what kind of life I was living. She was always, Loving, and supporting, and just my best friend.

I had a moment today, where I remembered when it came out that I was pregnant. She knew I was pregnant before I did. It was about a week before I went to the doctors, and I was sitting home one day, and she came up to me, and said "Your pregnant aren't you" and my response "What the fuck are you smoking, I aint fucking knocked up" she goes, yes you are, and we are making a doctors appointment. I basically told her it was a waste of money, because I wasn't pregnant, well guess what, a week later, we go to the doctors, guess who was right? Mom was! She was so excited, more excited than I was. She was never mad at me, or thinking I was throwing away my life. I was 18, but I was mature for my age, I had to be. She was so excited. She was there for me through my whole pregnancy, and was there for when I gave birth, and even after I gave birth. I quit my job, and she and I raised my daughter. She was the most spoiled little girl in the world, She was my everything, and my mom loved spending time with her. Her father was around, but not as much.  When I got into the car accident, and my daughter was killed, my mom was almost as devastated as I was. She was supportive for me, she was there, holding my hand, walking me through everything. She never once said "it happened for a reason" or "She is in a better place now" when I would talk and say how much I miss her, she would say, I know, and life sucks ass for taking her from you. mom dealt with everything, because I was in capable of doing so. The funeral was the day after Christmas, and I was sent home from the Hospital Christmas eve. It was a terrible time of the year.

In Mid January mom got sick, and collapsed at the grocery store. She was rushed to the emergency room. it turned out that mom's cancer had come back in June of the previous year, and she refused treatment. The cancer was spreading, and she needed to act immediately, She went through chemo, radiation, and a bunch of other shit, than her kidney failed, I wanted so badly to give her my kidney but we weren't a match, the only family member that was a match was my good for nothing father, and he did nothing. He could have cared less. In May she told the doctors, 'No more" and that she was done. She came home on May 3rd, and on Mother's day, May 9th she passed away. She had a heart-attack, and they could not resesistate *Spl* her. That day, I lost my very best friend in the whole world.

Now here I am, a couple of years later. I still grieve for the loss of my Daughter, and my Mother, but I am dealing with it, and coping with it, and trying to live my life the best I can. My memories of my Daughter and my Mother will always be in my heart, and I'll never forget them.