Life

Life right now has been hell. It has been throwing me all kind of obstacals, and to say the least I am not handling them very well. I am trying my hardest to keep from having a mental breakdown but I feel one coming on, and it scares me, because I have not felt this out of control with my life for a long time. (sigh)

I didn't sleep worth of shit last night. I had some of the worst nightmares ever. I woke up in a cold sweat about three times last night, it was just terrible...I had to get out of bed, and go outside to calm down. I can't ever remember being that scared from sleeping before with nightmares. It was terrible.

This morning I went to the store and bought some flowers, and brought them to the Cemetery and placed some at mom's grave, and some at Emily's grave. I cried, and cried, and talked, and than cried some more. I took a glance at my watch and realized that I had been there for over an hour, and decided to head back home. By the time I got home, I was all cried out, and now I just feel numb.

My entire house is clean, and I have laundry going, and I still feel like I can't do anything to keep me busy. I have to work on my teen site today, and that is going to be a challenge, since I am not feeling that strong today, but I have a commitment, and I have to hold up on my end. These kids are counting on me to help keep this site running, and I have to do it.

I have a home-made sauce going. I am making Chicken Parmesan for dinner tonight. It was one of mom's favorite meals in the world, and its one of the few things that I can cook and not screw up on. So that is what is for dinner tonight.

Well I guess thats all I have to share for today.