Depressed...

I am seriously so depressed today, I just feel like cutting so bad that I was actually shaking this morning. I didn't sleep worth of shit last night, and when I did, I had the worst nightmares ever, so I was pretty much up all freaking night. Now I am sitting here, getting ready to go to work, and my brother got into it again. I hate when we fight, because he can say some pretty mean things. I understand that brothers and sisters fight, but seriously, why does he have to hurt me like he does. I have tried my best to do what I can, but I always fall a mile short in his book. I just wish I wasn't a disappointment to people anymore. I don't want to go to work, becuase honestly, I feel like its going to be next to impossible to put on a mask and act like I'm okay, I feel like I am not going to be able to keep my cool when customers go off on me. I'm only working five hours, so I guess that is a good thing, maybe by the time I get home, daddy will be home, and we can talk, because, like always before he goes on a trip, it seems we get into it, and I stress and worry, What if he decides to go see someone, what if he decides on his car ride i'm not what he wants anymore. I'm just freaking out and trying to keep it all together, and try not to cry, but its very hard right now.