Abandonment issues

This post is a tough one. Its hard to explain it. Its hard to put into how I am feeling. I am suffering from severe abandonment issues. I am so afraid to get close to people right now, because lately it seems like whenever I get close to someone, they end of leaving me...Its so hard. I am trying to deal with it, but I am losing my hope right now. Its a main reason why I have been pushing Jim away. I figure, if I push him away, than he can't leave me. I am just struggling right now. 

I just hate that I am feeling this way. I hate that I am so scared to lose the people I Love, but look at my track history, people have been leaving me, left and right. Either walking away, or dying. I just am in a place in my life, where I am so unsure about the people in my life. Where I am not sure if I am going to be okay with being with someone, because in the back of my mind, after every fight, after every time someone leaves the house, I am so worried if they are going to come back or not.... 

Sigh, things are just very hard right now, and I am having a hard time expressing how I am truly feeling, without really upsetting anyone, so Lately I have been keeping quiet..... =(