My Night last night..

Last night was hell. That is the only way to describe the pain that I was in all freaking night long. I have never felt so fucking hurt, and so beytrayed by people who "Love" me in so damn long. I let my guard down and got hurt, BIG TIME....I did what I always did. I stood by a friend when he was being attacked, and hurt, and in the end, it just costing me two people who I was very close to. last night, having it hit me. I completely broke down. I was crying Hysterically, and just could not get a hold of myself to save my Life. The girls who deleted me for being friends with someone else were like sisters to me...and to have them just throw me away, I couldn't handle it last night...Last night, the Emotional pain to got to be more than I could handle and I ended up cutting last night for the 1st time in a Long time. I needed to escape the pain in my heart. Escape the worthless feelings that I was facing. I felt like No one wanted me, I felt like I wasn't good enough to be wanted anymore...It hurt so much. I just couldn't handle it. 


Than last night, I just had the worst nightmares in the world. I needed to escape the feeling, but I didn't know how. I tried crying. That just made it worse. I tried talking but that just hurt the people around me. I tried to escape through music, and facebook games but that didn't help either. Nothing was working, so I just ended up cutting last night. I hate that it got to that point, I just didn't know what else to do. 


Today I am not feeling much better at all, but today, I have to put on a smile, and act like everything is fine. Today, I have to hide how terrible I am feeling inside, and just do what I have to do. I know I shouldn't let the girls hurt me like this, as daddy says, Just try to forget it, let it roll off my shoulders, but it is so much harder than that, and I wish people would realize that... I am not the type of person who can take an emotional blow like than, and just be fine. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I get hurt...BAD....I care too much about my friends, and about the ones who I love, and a Lot of time it leaves me feeling completely wounded....